South Jackson Gazette
Space is curved say leading scientists!
Previous researchbyscientists from
South Jackson suggested our uni-
verse curves around on itself. Now
scientists have uncovered evidence
supporting a progressive creation-
ism theory.
When reached at the South Jackson
tavern, they explained, “For a long
timewebelievedtheuniversebegan
in one spot and has been spreading
outfromthere.Nowresearchshows
that instead of spreading out omni-
directionally it’s been expanding in
a single direction. But the direction
of expansion has been inconsistent.
It’s almost as though some entity
is using a cosmic crowbar to bend
the universe’s expansion path back
and forth.”
At this point local, Horace Fithers
took over, “It all seems to be goin’
more or less in a full circle and will
be comin’ back to where it done
begun! If these gray heads are cor-
rect for a change, the universe
should start back-filling and grow
counter-clock-like in addition to
growing clock-like.”
Horace paused for a swig of root
beer allowing Dr. Lee to resume.
“We’re expecting the ends of the
universe to meet sometime in the
next few months. Although we’re
not positive where that will hap-
pen, it seems possible it will be rail-
road west of Bear Creek.”
Other locals listening to the discus-
sion sniggered. “Jest ask ‘em how
big the universe is gonna get? They
say it’ll have about a five-mile cir-
cumference! That’s a mighty small
universe!”
When reached, Charlie Comstock
BC&SJ Superintendent of Nearly
Everything, in Oakhill, com-
mented, “Five miles may be small
on a galactic scale, but we’ve been
living in much smaller universes
for the past 17 years. I expect five
miles will seem plenty large, and
it will be good having the ends
connected. Now we won’t have
to waste time turning trains at
the
ends of our railroad. We’ll just
let ‘em keep running.”
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A clipping from the
Up the Creek Column - 11
MRH-Sep 2014
