South Jackson Gazette
Space is curved say leading scientists!
Leading scientists at the South
Jackson Research Institute have
concluded that space, which
for 10 years was believed to be
linear, has changed and is now
curved!
A team member, declining to
be named as he was not autho-
rized to comment on ongoing
research said, “It appears that
the sight lines of our universe
have gone catywhumpus and
it’s no longer possible to see any
place fromany other place. This
proves that the fabric of space
has been curved. However,
rather than straightforward
curvature, the universe now
appears to meander.
Patrons at the South Jackson
Tavern
seemed
phleg-
matic about this discovery.
Commented Horace Fithers,
unofficial
spokesperson,
“Straight, curved, or mean-
dering, we’re still able to go for
our Sunday afternoon walks,
trains are still running, and it
looks like the universal is still
expandin’ a mite. If anythin’s
really changed fer us, it’s that
the trains feel like to be trav-
eling further to git someplace.
And that’s fine with me.”
Other tavern patrons were
quick to agree with this analy-
sis and quicker to return to their
brewskies.
Mr. Comstock, superintendent
of nearly everything of the
BC&SJ railroad commented,
“I don’t know about curva-
ture of space, but it feels a lot
as though trains are travel-
ing farther. However, our fuel
bills have remained the same
suggesting that this curvature
helped our locomotive fuel
economy letting us hold down
ticket costs.”
This reporter hopes the uni-
verse won’t turn into a pretzel
anytime soon
*
Enjoy the Gazette? Read more at
A clipping from the
Up the Creek Column - 11
MRH-Jul 2014
